December 2015 Archives


The amount of money it takes to support two households after divorce is always going to be higher than the amount of money it takes to support one household during a marriage. That does not mean it is not doable and it does not mean it is not worth it. People often say, "I hear you, but I just want to make sure I get what I am entitled to. I don't trust my spouse not to screw me over if we mediate."
Since some people seem intent on fighting the good fight, here are 12 tips for making sure your divorce is as lengthy and expensive as possible.1. Keep fighting for what is "fair."
2. No matter how comfortable you feel with a settlement proposal, refuse to accept it until your attorney agrees that you should.
3. Demand that your ex run any and all parenting decisions by you until the children are past the age of 18.
4. Insist that your ex undergo a vocational evaluation so you can pay the least amount of child and spousal support over the shortest time period possible.
5. Do your best to ensure that all verbal agreements you and your ex made when during your marriage are honored, regardless of how the court would likely rule on any of the issues at hand.
6. Refuse to settle on each aspect of your divorce agreements until your ex is willing to acknowledge your value, position, opinion, rights, etc.
7. Withhold information requested by your spouse until he or she has agreed to do x, y, or z.
8. Every now and then, attempt to "negotiate" with your spouse directly in order to save time and money.
9. Assume that your spouse must be hiding money somewhere and hire a forensic accountant to identify the exact origin of every penny earned and spent by each of you, personally and professionally, over the course of your marriage.
10. Engage a child custody evaluator to decide what is in the best interests of your children. Especially since this group of "professionals" is so well known for it's ethical procedures, lack of bias, and clean personal backgrounds. Or not.
11. Stay firmly entrenched in a belief or expectation of what you should get in your settlement, particularly as based on a friend's divorce, an article you just read, or a calculator you found online.
12. Decide that you just want to let the judge decide - despite the fact that in the majority of cases these days many judges simply scare both spouses into going back out into the hallway to come up with a settlement agreement anyway, resulting in a minimum of less than 5% of all cases ever seeing a direct order made by a judge.Source: The Good Men Project, December 7, 2015.


It's normal to feel discombobulated by divorce. Here are 16 small, everyday things that can help:. 1. Let yourself off the hook. Breakfast for dinner, leftovers for lunch and an extra hour in bed while the Disney channel babysat my kids. There is too much pressure on women to be everything to everyone all of the time. When you are dealing with divorce, you must let yourself off the hook a little."2. Reach out to your family. Reconnect to your family - it will make all the difference in the world.3. Allow yourself a 20 minute pity party. A little trick of scheduling your sorrow can help you vent, but keep the sadness from overtaking your entire day.4. Cut out negative people, pronto. You go through a roller coaster of emotions during a divorce -- you don't need anyone's dark cloud adding to your baggage.5. Learn the meaning of 'pick you battles' when it comes to your ex. If an issue arises concerning my child, engage. If it's an issue carried over from the marriage, why give it head space?6. Do all of the things your ex held you back from doing. Get a cat, vacation in Mexico, stay up way past midnight watching bad TV, eat copious amounts of chunky peanut butter-- in bed -- with a giant serving spoon -- right out of the jar. 7. Join a divorce support group. You can say anything, no matter how horrible, and not be judged.8. Take a trip alone. Even if it's just a day trip, it's proof that you can get around just fine on your own.9. Do not pretend you are OK. Self-explanatory.10. Delete all your ex's shows from TiVo. Self-explanatory.11. Yoga and/or meditation. Take a yoga and meditation class. It teaches you simply how to breathe and find peace at a time when everything feels like it is crashing down around you. 12. Make like-minded friends. Make friends with other people who were divorced or in the process of divorce. You don't have to leave your old friends behind post-split but there are just some things that your married friends won't understand. Source: Brittany Wong, The Huffington Post.

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