In the first year or so following your divorce, things may have gone well enough. You and your former spouse may have settled into your co-parenting agreement, and the child support payments arrived on time. After the months of stressful divorce, this may have been a welcome relief, and your life may finally be moving in a positive direction.
It can be difficult, however, having a level head in divorce and divorce preparation and planning for a divorce will likely help you through this difficult time more easily. Now that the holidays are behind us, people previously considering a divorce are usually more inclined to take action to end their marriage in the new year. The reasons can vary. Some people put the idea of divorce on the back burner in an effort to get through the holidays. Others put their plans into action in order to have a fresh start in the new year. Whatever one's reasons, attempting to take action with an exclusively emotional approach can be extremely detrimental to one's situation and overall divorce preparation and planning.
The amount of money it takes to support two households after divorce is always going to be higher than the amount of money it takes to support one household during a marriage. That does not mean it is not doable and it does not mean it is not worth it. People often say, "I hear you, but I just want to make sure I get what I am entitled to. I don't trust my spouse not to screw me over if we mediate."
Since some people seem intent on fighting the good fight, here are 12 tips for making sure your divorce is as lengthy and expensive as possible.1. Keep fighting for what is "fair."
2. No matter how comfortable you feel with a settlement proposal, refuse to accept it until your attorney agrees that you should.
3. Demand that your ex run any and all parenting decisions by you until the children are past the age of 18.
4. Insist that your ex undergo a vocational evaluation so you can pay the least amount of child and spousal support over the shortest time period possible.
5. Do your best to ensure that all verbal agreements you and your ex made when during your marriage are honored, regardless of how the court would likely rule on any of the issues at hand.
6. Refuse to settle on each aspect of your divorce agreements until your ex is willing to acknowledge your value, position, opinion, rights, etc.
7. Withhold information requested by your spouse until he or she has agreed to do x, y, or z.
8. Every now and then, attempt to "negotiate" with your spouse directly in order to save time and money.
9. Assume that your spouse must be hiding money somewhere and hire a forensic accountant to identify the exact origin of every penny earned and spent by each of you, personally and professionally, over the course of your marriage.
10. Engage a child custody evaluator to decide what is in the best interests of your children. Especially since this group of "professionals" is so well known for it's ethical procedures, lack of bias, and clean personal backgrounds. Or not.
11. Stay firmly entrenched in a belief or expectation of what you should get in your settlement, particularly as based on a friend's divorce, an article you just read, or a calculator you found online.
12. Decide that you just want to let the judge decide - despite the fact that in the majority of cases these days many judges simply scare both spouses into going back out into the hallway to come up with a settlement agreement anyway, resulting in a minimum of less than 5% of all cases ever seeing a direct order made by a judge.Source: The Good Men Project, December 7, 2015.
Divorce is difficult. It's not just your marital status that changes -- your entire life shifts. 1) You will mourn -- it is a huge loss. Even if you wanted to divorce, you will mourn. You have lost a significant relationship, as well as your status, identity, image, and more. The future you envisioned and strived for has ended. You could try to see this loss as a gain -- you've gained power, freedom, autonomy, and a new identity. It is essential that you go through the mourning process. If you move on as if nothing ever happened, it may come back to haunt you, sometimes in disguise. 2) If you have children with your ex it is essential to accept that your ex will be a part of your life, and that you to learn to co-parent in a healthy manner. You have a responsibility to raise your children with your ex, keeping the children's best interests in mind. Effective co-parenting, with no agenda (other than your children's well-being), is crucial.3) You won't be "single" again. You will be "divorced." Divorce doesn't just mean that the ring comes off your finger, and you have to check the "divorced" box in government documents. People may look at you differently, with a "poor you" smile, along with a "you'll make it" jovial punch in the arm. i4) Your social life will change. It can take time to learn who you true friends are as opposed to those who are acquaintances disguised as close friends (only around for the good times!). 5) Anger will raise its ugly head -- in both of you. There will be some anger, resentments and blame. In the aftermath of divorce, despite how far you've each moved on, there may be thoughts and even words such as "This is the thanks I get for all I did," "I stood by you; you didn't stand by me," "I wasted [insert number of years] with you," etc. It doesn't matter if you're happy or relieved about that loss. Part of loss and the mourning process is feeling your anger. But for your own well-being, you have to deal with the stages, and move from anger into acceptance.
Arizona is one of only nine community property states. In a community property jurisdiction, most property acquired during the marriage, excluding separate property, is owned jointly by both parties in the marriage and divided evenly upon divorce, annulment, or death. Under community property laws, all property is automatically presumed to be joint community property absent specific evidence proving otherwise. If property is deemed separate property, then the owner of said property will retain sole possession over it. However, if the property is categorized as community property, then it is divided among both parties equally. Some common examples of separate and community property are as follows:
Unexpected and largely unwelcome life events can be costly. Certainly, individuals can learn valuable lessons that eventually enhance their lives when they become ill, suffer injury, lose a job or choose to divorce. However, these events are almost always stressful and financially costly in their immediate aftermath. There are not always clear ways to remain financially stable during illness, injury or job loss. However, individuals can take steps to remain financially stable during and in the wake of divorce.
We frequently acknowledge and honor how challenging divorce can be. However, some of the biggest mistakes people make in divorce include believing that they have no control over the process's outcome and that the process must be deeply stressful. Divorce marks a significant transition between periods of a person's life. The majority of how the process will affect a person's life is truly up to him or her.
The divorce process does not have to be messy and drawn-out. Certainly, some marital situations require a contested and relatively intense process. However, many if not most uncontested divorce processes do not require the same kind of time, energy and resources that complex divorce scenarios do. In order to facilitate a smooth divorce process whenever possible, it is important for divorcing couples to plan ahead before digging into the most challenging aspects of the process.